Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
