Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
