There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
