I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
