you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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