i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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