Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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