I'm laying in your front yard are you home
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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