Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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