His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
