i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
