She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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