you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize