I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I didn't shave. On purpose
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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