HIV tests are more positive than that guy
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
