Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
soo... how was my night?
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