We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Randomize