So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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