so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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