haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
