you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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