Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
