Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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