I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize