WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
