I want to walk on stilts...naked
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
