forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize