Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
