marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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