I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
