She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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