C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
