i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
