If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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