We won't sleep together?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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