I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
