he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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