Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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