Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
