U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
