I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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