Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
