genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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