What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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