it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Is Oprah even human
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
