I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
