Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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