Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
