we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
