maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
