9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'm really busy with my period
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
