I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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