Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
