put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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