I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
