She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
