Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
