You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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