he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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