I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
