i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
