Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
