as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
