hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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