Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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