dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
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