She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
