24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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