Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
