Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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