he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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