her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I will be naked everywhere
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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