I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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