I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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