just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
